The truth...the Whole truth...and NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH???

I recently attended a rehearsal dinner where the guests were encouraged to share tidbits of advice for the bride and groom. When it came around to me, I offered the standard words of wisdom...

1) No matter how heated the argument, don't throw bowls of applesauce at your husband (even if they are plastic bowls). By the way, tossing ice water on him is also inadvisable.

2) When you get angry, never, never tell your husband that you are taking the kids to your mom's house because after you pack the suitcases, you know that you will just drive around the block and then the kids will be mad at you when they don't get to go to Grandma's house.

3) If you tend to bang things around when you get upset, register for the cheapest, thinnest Teflon ware you can find. The heavy stainless steel pots will leave dents on counter tops.

Good heavens! Of course I didn't say all those things...Whoever heard of such nonsense? As if anything like that would ever happen within the bonds of Holy Matrimony? Ignore me completely. I'm simply delusional...I'll just go and take my little white pill RIGHT NOW!

Back to what I was saying ~ By far, the most popular admonition for the bride and groom was that they "Be completely honest with each other." Well-meaning guests said, "Lay things out on the table." "Don't hold back." "Tell each other whatever you're thinking." Of course, like a little bobble head, I smiled and nodded approvingly, "Yes, yes, of course this is so important. Honesty in marriage is so important."

Hours later, I got to thinking about this and realized I Totally Disagree! In fact, this may be one of the WORST pieces of advice anyone could ever give an about-to-be-married couple (well, the
tidbit about the thin Teflon pans would probably be a close second). My marriage is strong today because of all the things my husband HASN'T told me! Yep! You heard that right. My husband is not completely honest with me, and it is GOOD for our marriage.

In 10 years of marriage, my husband has rarely expressed anger towards me. He has NEVER sat me down to discuss something "You should be doing differently." He once said that he does not typically point out weaknesses "because most people already know what they are doing wrong." In case you're wondering, my husband isn't perfect. Trust me, I know all too well the perils of sitting on a toilet in the dark of the night! Can anyone say, "Splash???" But, imperfections aside, my husband knows the power of keeping his mouth shut and his heart open.

There was one piece of advice offered at the dinner that was simply priceless. My mother confessed that after 25 years of pointing out my father's flaws, she discovered the folly of her own brand of "honesty." Quoting her favorite marriage verse, my mother admonished the bride and groom to always look for the best in each other. Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands." And that, folks, is the truth, the Whole Truth, and NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!